When I first started dating my (now) wife she was lifing at her mom's house with one of her closest friends. this friend had a bad self image and several issues over having been beaten: mentally, physically and sexually abused in her childhood by a family member. She (and my wife) were seniors in college and the friend had cut all ties to her family. She was a fun person, we would hang out together, watch movies, chat on AIM (they had 3 online comuters in their house), go on late night walmart runs, watch anime, play games, etc. She was very smart and talented, she was in band and could play horn and flute very well. she loved Harry Potter and LotR. She "approved" of me dating her friend and I became good friends with her as well.

eventually she decided to leave and move in with another of or friends, someone who was a great person, a little conservative but not really too uptight if you know what I mean. Our friend had attempted suicide before but it was considered not super serious (like telling people that she had taken a few too many pain pills or cutting herself not on the arteries). She started to have troubles again, taking pills then posting on her live journal, then taking pills when no one was around. We tried to talk to her and find out what was the problem but she VERY rarely would talk about her problems or what made her so upset. Finally she took way to many pills and then went driving around for a couple hours in rush hour traffic. We convinced her she needed to go to a rehab/mental clenic and took her there. they told her to take her anti-pills and let her out 3 days later. She stayed with my wife's mother for a few days more and then went back to her apartment.

About a week later she posted that she had a gun hidden in her room. We went to her and she gave it to us (she called it her "fuzzy") and then we ended up taking her to another hospitol. All of her friends would come and visit her every day, I would try to stop by a couple times while I was driving around working. It was a low security psych ward, they let you watch lame movies and color pictures of lighthouses. They let her out after she had missed thankgiving and then she seemed alright for a little while. She then checked herself back in a few weeks later, tried to break out the 12th floor window and jump, was sent upstairs to the no-visitors floor, and managed to strangle herself with her bedsheet.

She had lived a horrible childhood and could not imagine her life ever being worth living. She had wonderful friends and (we believe) could not concieve of a life after collage where she would be able to live with herself and everything that had happened to her. She had been on a varity of high dosage prescription anti-depressants and sometimes she would quit taking them becasue she just did not care. The fact that she was such great friends with my wife (they had known each other since they were in second grade) and our other friends was one reason why she even tried to complete collage and live life in general.

It will always make me sad to remember her. If I had not getten involved with her friend would she have made it to graduation, maybe been accepted by an orchestra, and perhaps been alright by herself for a while? If so would she eventaully have done what she did maybe 10 years later? It is sad that my wife never got to call her friend and tell her that we got engaged, she was not ablr to attned our wedding as a bride's maid, she never even got to see LotR:tRotK and she was a big Legolas/Gandalf fan. she never made peace with her parents and they still don't have access to her medical records (as was her wish)

We are still friends with one of her younger brothers. He looks so much like her it can be painful sometimes. He is a great guy and will be the first person from their family to fininsh college.